Romney in Raleigh

This week’s poem is a parody of the poem James Franco wrote for Obama’s 2012 inauguration.  Link to the original poem and a video of James trying to read it like a serious artist in footnotes.1)–231846640.html

Trigger Warning: This poem contains Time Travel.

Raleigh, North Carolina has an art museum full of
Rodin sculptures.  They’re reproductions, but
They’re considered original because they were cast
From Rodin’s original plasters.
Rodin sculptures are weird like that.

While I was in Raleigh, they asked me
To write a poem for Mitt Romney’s inauguration,
Just in case he won.
Don’t worry about Obama, they said.
We’ve got a real poet for that.

Well, fucking fine, but I don’t
Know what to write.
Romney’s about as far from a guy like me
As you can get.  So I wrote a few friends
Asking for advice, but they all said
I was on my own.

So then I drank a bunch of decaf Red Bulls
And took a long, long nap.
When I woke up, through my Red Bull hangover
I could see that sometimes the person who can see you
Most clearly is your opposite, so I wrote this poem.

I met Mitt Romney in an out of the way
Diner in 2011.
He was eating a Cobb salad.
I sat there for a long time looking at him
Before I got up the courage to approach him.

I sat across from him.  He looked up.
He said he hadn’t liked me much in Spider-Man,
But everyone else seemed to, so kudos to me.
I smiled at him.
“Binders full of women,” I said.

Romney looked confused.
He didn’t understand me.  It was my fault.
I’d forgotten that he was from 2011,
But I was from the future.
“Never mind,” I said, “You’ll get it someday.”

I wonder if, when he uttered those words
At the debate, he thought of me and smiled.
And maybe changed his mind about
The whole Spider-Man thing.

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