Book Release!

I’m excited to announce that Directing Herbert West: A Book of Poetry Without James Franco is now available for purchase on Amazon, a week earlier than expected!  For the cost of a Starbucks you can now own not-Franco poetry that you can access anywhere, even offline, and the book features several poems that were never published online or performed on stage.  New content!

Check it out here:

Thanks to Irenka Carney for her amazing cover art.  They say that you can only get 20% or so of a creative idea out into the real world, but Renny has managed to get 120% of what I imagined for this cover into a drawing.  Check out her website at  She’s a hard-working professional, and I would work with her again in a heartbeat.

Herbert West Cover

Book Release – March 21, 2016

I am excited to announce that I will be releasing a collection of not-Franco poetry as an eBook for Amazon Kindle on March 21!  Directing Herbert West will include poetry from the website in addition to new poems exclusive to the eBook. 

The talented Irenka Carney, who designed the poster for An Evening of Comedy Without James Franco, is providing cover art.  I’ve seen what she’s working on, and I’m pleased to say that the cover art does a good job of addressing the themes of my Franco poetry parody while also hinting at some of the new twists I’m working on for the book.  Check out her website at

Keep an eye on this website and Twitter (@sarahceliann) for more info, including price and cover art reveal!


Let’s make some edits.
Not to a film,
I don’t have the patience

For that.
To my life.
There’s a few things

I’d like to correct.
Moments where the plot
Veered off course

Or the characters were
A little false.
I mean this Franco

I’ve created, what is he
He’s a mess.

Starts off on a small TV show.
Well loved,
Short lived.

And from there it’s
Only up,
Or so you’d think.

But suddenly it’s ten years
Later, and he doesn’t know
Who he is anymore.

Tries to write poetry
Tries to write prose
Too stuck in the past to do either well.

And now’s he’s almost forty.
It should be the top of his
Character arc,

But instead he’s mucking around.
Lost in the past,
Lost in the person he used to be

When he was still a real person.

Let’s fix that.
Cut this part.
Move that part a little earlier.

Fix a life
Like you fix a film.
All we need are edits.

Please, God, let that be all we need.

James Franco, Rock Goddess Pt 2

Didn’t I tell you I was a rock Goddess
That was a question just to
Clarify I’m not using punctuation anymore
I’m beyond that shit

That’s right Goddess Franco
Has a fucking record deal
Coming in 2016
Going to rock your ears

With music inspired by The Smiths
That band you loved in high school
I still love it
I’m still in high school

And it is a fucking great place to be.

Oh, shit Was
That a period up there
I punctuate when I want
Write when I want
Sing when I want
Off key if I want
Shit out poetry in the morning
And short stories in the afternoon

Maybe eat a novel for brunch


James Franco, Rock Goddess

Yesterday I was
James Franco, Poet Extraordinaire
James Franco, Oscar Nominated Actor
James Franco, Kickass Writer.

Today I am
James Franco, Rock Goddess.

Yeah, I played live for hundreds
And hundreds
And they all cheered.

I shredded on that guitar and I
Don’t give a fuck if it wasn’t real.
When you think Guitar Hero, you think
James Franco.

Lenny Kravitz was watching and
I know he wanted to suck my dick
But sorry, Lenny.
I’m only gay up until the point of penetration.

No Franco dick for you.
Just some sweet, hot licks.

Hello Lady Franco

I am Lady Franco.
And I don’t want to be a man.
And if you do, that’s okay.
But I’m happy to be me.

I love how my brain can take two completely
Different ideas and just start to tell a story
About them.

I love how I hear a language and begin trying to parse it.
I can find the verbs and the nouns and feel out the rhythm
Even if I don’t understand what’s being said.

If pressed, I would say that I love the green
Color of my eyes.
And the red color of my hair.

But I don’t think about my vagina
In some over-fetishized way.
And women have the same asshole as men,
James, you moron.

We are more than our bodies
So be a man, be a woman,
Just fucking be you.

A Haiku

This is a haiku.
It doesn’t have 17 syllables
Or proper line breaks.
No kiru or kigo.
But it’s a haiku
Because I say it is.

I Wrote a Poem About a Poem

Yesterday, I wrote a poem.
But it wasn’t good enough
The words were square when
They should have been

The rhymes were flat,
and jagged. They didn’t roll
Off the tongue and into the
Mind. For the first time I

Maybe I wasn’t any good.

But I’m James Franco.
I don’t fail.
So I turned it around.
I wrote a poem about that

And it kicks so much ass.
I bet you were worried there
For a moment.
Well don’t be.
With a dick this big,

I can’t lose.

Zombie Sonnet 6

I put off watching The Walking Dead
For as long as I could. I knew I’d get
Sucked in, and I couldn’t afford another obsession.
I don’t have enough time for all my dreams as it is.
But how do I NOT watch Daryl Dixon?
He has a crossbow, for fuck’s sake. I was doomed from the start.
I was cool with Rick, too, until he grew that beard.
And shows no signs of shaving it off for good.
I wish Dale had lived longer. He reminded me of
The old guy from Jurassic Park, and I think
Zombies and dinosaurs are a combo that’s just waiting to happen.
It’s weird, because even though the comics came first, I think
Of them as having spoilers for the TV series.
Without Daryl, why read them?